I had a wonderful relationship with my narcissistic mother up until I was 8 years old.

Yes, this. The first time I said 'no' to my parents I was eight - about the normal age. It was about having my picture taken, not the official kind with a photographer, just a casual one that nMom wanted to take of me half-asleep in eDad's arms. I felt really uncomfortable about it, said I didn't want to, nMom raised the camera anyway, and I raised my voice and said NO. They reacted like I'd slapped one of them, shouted at me until I pretended to be asleep again so they could take the picture, and then literally didn't talk to me for two days to make me break down and apologise to them for my behaviour. When the photos got developed, they showed that one off right in front of me every chance they got, daring me to look even one unhappy about it and see what I'd get.

I didn't raise a peep about it. Seven or eight might be the normal age to start trying to set boundaries, but you better believe I didn't try that shit again for a long-ass time. I was a fast learner and I knew they could make me do whatever they wanted by ignoring me for long enough, and that having to apologise in order to be allowed to exist again would be ten time more humiliating than if I'd just taken whatever they were dishing out in the first place.

So, that hiccup aside, my relationship with my parents continued all peachy-fine (in my then-understanding) until I hit about 12-13 and starting getting crushes. When the opinions, feelings and validation of my crushes became more important to me than that of my mother, it was like I stopped existing overnight.

I only just realised now I'm writing this out, I think she thought ignoring me was going to bring me heel again like it did when I was eight. It only just occurred to me she might have done it deliberately as a manipulation tactic. It sure as heck didn't work because I suddenly cared a lot more about the approval of my giddy schoolgirl crushes than I did about the approval of my mother, which was an age-appropriate development.

So yeah, I see how for some people the switch could come around 7-8, and for others around 12-13. It all depends, I guess, on whether nParents react to the 7-8 stage by immediately just casting you into the role of SG, or doubling down to force you back into the perfect GC role like mine did.

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