I'm so filled with envy.
I chased after my (To my daily regret) now ex-fiancee for nearly a year til we got together.
It's been nearly 10 years now til one of the greatest days of my life. The day we had the "Talk" and made out for the first time in her bedroom.
When I left, I jumped around outside of her door, freaking out with my friend on the phone, explaining how "It" finally happened!
I still remember when I first laid my eyes on her. Her roommate invited my friend over to hang out at their place and he fatefully invited my best friend over.
We were actually at the local pizza shop, and took everyone's order and grabbed a 12pk. of brews over and drove over.
I still the calm, assured demeanor I felt knocking on her door. Just another night being young and having fun. All of that changed when she answered that door.
She was beautiful.
I quickly said hello and walked into the party, and she quickly went to her room and closed the door, which bummed me out, because I wanted nothing more than a chance to have a chance to talk to her.
After a few drinks and trying to get her roommate to introduce us and getting nowhere (Another story all together), I let it be and enjoyed my night with my friends. I didn't get to see her for nearly 2 weeks, and I was craving another encounter.
It took 6 months and me giving up my pursuit until she gave in and we started dating.
It led to the best 6 years of my life. I never gave myself to anyone that much, and she.
Til the biggest bullshit happened.
She was an international student, and I was a legal resident of a country that I wasn't a citizen of. The only way to get her to stay was to have her apply for her Masters degree. We had 2 more years to figure out what to do.
On my 23rd birthday, at a party she threw for me, I proposed to her in front of all our friends. It was the best present I've ever gotten when she said yes!
Only matter was my parents. Her family was mostly her mom and siblings. She grew up in a christian household, with a Muslim mother that she was still close to. Everyone else was Christian. I grew up in a Muslim household, although I hadn't been religious since I was 10.
Because of my atheism, I hadn't spoken to my parents since I was 18 and left my house. No need too because they wouldn't let me live my life. Now this girl, who's family life was somehow worse than my own, was commanding me to nurture a relationship with my parents. I didn't want to, but she wanted that validation from them. To be accepted by her man's family and I ended up trying it. For her.
My parents said no to our request of blessing. They wanted me to marry a "Good, Somalian and Muslim girl". I left their house and promised that I'd never set another foot back in.
Shortly after that, her mother died. At 3 in the morning, she got that dreaded call from an aunt to let her know her mother was dead. I've never felt so worthless in my life until I had to hold her and couldn't offer anything to the girl I loved that much other than holding her in my arms and moving her hair out of her face, and letting her just cry. I felt helpless.
Fast forward a year, We tried to get her into Canada. They denied her. She had to go back to Africa, and I couldn't go with her. We were done. I drove myself to a parking lot alone and cried myself hysterically.
We drifted apart nearly immediately after.
That was 5 years ago. I've been a shell of who I was since. Especially after I lost her.
She resents me and I don't blame her. I write an email once a week, every few months to try to catch up and see how she's doing, but I've never gotten a response.
Her LinkedIn account says she successfully got to Canada and graduated from McGill. She works for a great company in Montreal, and I was so happy to hear that!
I personally have never recovered. I have no contact with my "Family" and will never allow them to forget that they ruined my life and I'll never be with my best friend again.
I can't bring myself to let go. I miss her so much...She was the best person I ever met.
I sabotage every "Relationship" I ever get near, and can't bring myself to ever get close to another girl like that, because I'm afraid of letting them down again.
I envy what you and your husband have. I wish the best for you both and hope you have many years together!
It also breaks my heart to read this because this is where I saw myself and the girl of my dreams. Yet I'm drunk, alone, and hurting.
/Vent.