Why Is It So Hard For Some, But Not For Others?

I took a shit load of acid as a young guy. I have been a stoner for the longest time and now I can’t enjoy a .01 snap of weed without having a anxiety attack. Irresponsible usage of psychedelics ruined my life. I’ve had a lot of trauma in my life and thought they would help beingas that’s what everyone that does acid/ phycs say. I fell in love and abused them. I’m not talking about tabs here and there. I would do them atleast once a week and at times I would do 5, 10, 15 tabs at a time and the most I’ve done is 25. I constantly hallucinate and my mind is always racing with regret and hating myself for ruining myself like this. I’ve become horrible at conversations and I have nobody to talk to ever because I feel like nobody liked me because I’m so weird. I feel so horrible everyday and always wish I could take back my poor horrible mistake. I contemplate suicide everyday even though I know I won’t do that to my loved ones like my dad and gpa did to me. I can’t focus 50 percent of the time because I’m basically on acid all day everyday. My brain literally hurts sometimes. I’ve tried to go to psychiatrist but they think all my problems are due to childhood trauma and not even considering my drug abuse. I know a rambled a little bit but trust me I have this hppd much worse than a lot of people on this sub. I wish their was more information and harm reduction on phycs to young kids. I also have done dmt and shrooms so maybe that effected me to but I blame the acid.

/r/HPPD Thread