I hate the expression “you can’t love anything else if you dont love yourself first”

I get what you mean, but there is a layer that you're not focusing on. You hate yourself. You hate what you are. You are your own depression. But you're a beautiful person who loves movies, books, family, friends, etc. But for some reason, you refuse to fuse all of that into your own being & consciousness.

That's who you are. You are your movies. You are your books. You are your family. These aren't separate things from you. They're you. The lack of that realization and that love for connecting yourself to all the things that bring you joy and irrationally shitting on yourself is what occupies your mind so heavily that it makes you unable to truly love and appreciate everything. What you practice gets stronger. You can acknowledge it, sure. I love music. I love being a loner. I can acknowledge it, but for some reason if I make myself believe that these are somehow separate from what I am. Then I'm missing the entire point. My music is me. My loneliness is me. It's my "soul". And the voice inside my head and society can go respectfully fuck itself if it wants to separate me from these things and tell me how I should/could be.

It's really hard to wrap your head around this. I don't blame you. I still struggle with it. Mindfulness practices help though. Check out Waking Up by Sam Harris. Neuroplasticity is legit.

/r/depression Thread