God is love. God loves you. Hold that true in your heart.

The only certain thing that comes from suicide is despair. Something that has helped me is knowing that the finality of death only prevents your life from ever getting better. You have to walk your path to become whole, what that is will be different for everyone.

I wish I had a more concrete answer for you. Something to change your mind. To help you carry on. But you have to choose for yourself. All I can tell you is that it’s worth it to keep going.

I don’t know how old you are, but I first had the same mindset when I was 14. The pain you feel, I’ve felt. The sorrow, the lack of control, the chaos in your mind. My words can’t describe the gravity of your emotions. For me it was like my brain was on fire and I couldn’t put it out. I’m 30 now and I’d like to tell you it was a one time thing. It wasn’t. Thoughts pop up occasionally, but never truly go. Last year the weight of them came back. I felt like I was drowning. I made it, but I’m terrified that I won’t make it to 50. I’m terrified for when the darkness comes again.

God gave you choice. I’m thankful for that. Even with this burden I don’t regret a single day I chose to stay alive.

That’s the best I can do. Please talk to more people. Please seek out help. Life can be beautiful again.

Good Luck!