Thank you so much for your reply. That first paragraph- we have lived the same experiences. It is oddly reassuring to know it isn’t just me who is oddly punished for not giving up food. I really liked the snowglobe ss decided to smash as retaliation for not giving him ice cream. It wasn’t fair for dh to get mad at me for crying about its destruction because it might make ss upset.

I wish there was a magic wand to make all of the nonsense stop and for my dh to see how his behaviors could be changed to create a better environment to everyone. I think he WANTS stability and peace, but guilt parenting plus tantruming toddler with no structure in either household equals chaos. And resentment.