I can't stand myself, either. Just because it's not original doesn't mean we can't express it, long for someone to help us, acknowledge how terrible it is, etc. I don't struggle with self-harm but regardless, I have learned many techniques to help soothe urges or distract oneself.

Alternates to self-harm based on why you're wanting to self-harm

This can easily grow to be very long with examples but I shall keep it short. If you're feeling rage, instead of hurting yourself, you can rip up paper, hit at a pillow or use the pillow to hit at a door or the wall, yell, take whatever tool you were going to use on yourself and use it on an object. Basically releasing that energy in a way that matches the violence it sparks yet is harmless in the end.

Unhappy? It's good to slowly soothe yourself in a comforting manner. For some people this is napping wrapped up in blankets, taking a bubble bath, lighting candles, taking a walk, listening to peaceful music. It may sound silly or ineffective at first, but these types of actions are in fact clinically relevant.

Dissociating? Touch objects with textures you favor, hold something cold, list what's around you by size and color and shape etc, list facts such as your name and the season and your favorite things etc.

General distraction and redirection

Potential NSFW or wound/blood trigger note: this site called Fatal to the Flash provides a place where you can make "cuts" to the screen. The cuts are red and even bleed. I think it's self-evident who may benefit from this and who may not.

Grounding exercises are of high importance and do as their name suggests. Please read this pdf for more about it and examples. It's not unlike what I was talking about earlier with alternatives based on why you're wanting to self-harm.

Stim toys and jewelry can be helpful with distracting your hands and touch sense. My personal favorite store is Stimtastic.

There's a technique called "ride the wave" using in dialectical behavior therapy which is easy to grasp and I think very applicable to some self-harmers. This ocean wave artpiece outlines in a way that's not overwhelming while getting the points across. You'll see it's a little different from earlier advice.

It seems one of the biggest hurdles some face is overcoming how addictive self-harm is. It can take years of working at it with many ups and downs, so don't place too much pressure on yourself.