The hateful church strikes again... Officially announced tonight or tomorrow.

I grew quite a penchant for cannabis. I was always depressed as a kid, couldn't figure out my outbursts and cog distortion, suicidal, impulse....The only thing that helped was the Maryjane. Then I would stop for long stretches, yoyo back and forth from church and in activeness (long stretches of each)...Depecote, Risperdal, Zoloft...

Kicked out a BYU for doobie use...the cycle of samsura over and over and over.

..and here's the kicker. I think pot saved my life. Dropped on my head as a newborn is when the problems began. Major head trauma at 9 from a car accident (with fatalities and no seat belt law then), knocked out cold in a bike fall (no helmet) at 11, and then at 12-17, I played organized football, offense AND defense (double the 15g-force impact hits).

I am now being treated for CTE. If this brain disease shrinks your brain, and cannabis swells it, this would explain the equilibrium I feel, not to mention the feeling of well-being without pharmaceuticals.

Alcohol is really bad for me from the get-go...sleeeepy. I have found I cannot even touch it or I'm affected for days-it's always been that way, so I dont drink, not because its no fun, but how it makes me feel.

Let me say--the biggest relief is when I became agnostic. Not because I feel such incredible ill-will towards the Church, but because of the ENORMOUS guilt, shaming and self-hate I experienced was just overwhelming growing up.

Don't judge me, but I KNOW that for people with issues of mental illness-I hate to say it--but when I relinquished my religion, my suicidal tendancies by dropping the whole "not good enough, ever" pressures went away. I don't think Numbnutz, Inc religion is a positive worldview for the mentally challenged. I know it in my heart.

/r/exmormon Thread