Hatred of non-femme lesbians among lesbians?

Late, but I'd like to piggyback off your comment and add my experiences as well. You mentioned that you're Asian and live or grew up in a country that has some homophobic laws and whatnot, and that people around you are homophobic.

I'm American and black, so my experience isn't the same as yours but within the black community, most butches I've encountered (called "studs" and what I will use) exemplify the worst toxic male stereotypes ever. Those specific studs refer to women as "b1tches" or "ho3s" as in, "I need me a b1tch. I'm tired of being single." Or they expect the worst 1950s gender roles for their relationships and get mad when their gf doesn't want that (note: if that's what makes both women in the relationship happy, then it's fine). They expect a certain type of sex life. They require their gfs to be extremely feminine. Or those studs just so disrespectful and many times abusive.

Those are the types of butches I was exposed to growing up and even now at 25. Now of course I don't let that affect how I feel about all studs or butches. But I didn't always feel that way. I ended up dating one of those toxic studs like I mentioned after I realized I was being unfair and prejudiced towards black studs, and she turned out to be almost exactly like what I listed — she was emotionally and physically abusive, and had a lot of other toxic male qualities.

It took me awhile after we broke up to fight going back to that prejudiced mindset of pre-judging butch women (and especially black studs). Now I also defend butches and roll my eyes whenever someone judges how some other woman chooses to dress.

My cousin made a comment about this butch woman being a "bulldyke" not too long ago, and I called her out on it. Don't think that shit is okay to say in front of me just because I'm a femme who likes femmes. Homophobic slurs based off a woman's appearance is never okay.

Anyway, all we can do is learn and grow. And the fact that we can acknowledge our past mindsets and mature from that, then we'll be okay.

/r/truelesbians Thread Parent