At 13, I started going out with a guy older than me. He was horrible, but it was my first boyfriend. I had no idea what love really was. I thought him freaking out over the fact I spoke to other guys was funny, I thought him not wanting me to speak with some girls was because they were mean to me (because they really were). But I didn't notice how he managed to cut me off from the world. From my family. He abused me in so many ways I still have physical and psychological scars of his abuse. In the end, he was such a coward he made everything he could to make me leave. The beatings got worse. He would invite me on a date downtown late and never show up, I almost got attacked by people because of him. He tried to force me into drugs. He would comment non-stop on my body and how I wasn't pretty enough. He disappeared for 72 hours, once. I eventually dumped him. Then tried to come back, but he refused me, and I was so hysterical I fought him on the street. It took two guys to seperate us. Then I passed out. I know some neighbor saw me passed out, left alone in the street. That good man waited for me to come back to my senses and I realized that my ex was there, on the street, looking at me and laughing.
I thought it would be the end of it, but we live close and went to the same school. When I finally got over him, he started dating a girl even younger than me. When I got over that, rumours spread he had some STD, so I freaked put and went to get checked. When all this was fine and I got over him still influencing my life, I heard he had a heart attack, but was fine after. He always seems to pop out somewhere in my life. My SO's ex had been with my ex for a few months and is now deeply traumatized. I am 20, now. And still, I wake up from nightmares about him. And still, my heart is pounding and I'm terrified when I meet someone that looks like him, or worse, I meet him. Still, my scars hurt. I'm still trying to remember some of the things he did to me, but I only remember vague things.
I understand you. The only thing that makes the trauma go away is time. And healthy relationships. Be it with family, friends, or a significant other.