Well here's my problem now. I'm almost through the worst wd stuff. I've mostly gotten through the hot flashes and aches, now I've just got chills and constantly gagging. I broke down to my brother yesterday, told him all about what I've been doing. I can't begin to explain the shame. But I promised him I wouldnt use, and right now its the only thing keeping me from going back to it... but I feel like I could give in at any moment. I've just been holding onto try to think good thoughts, just thinking about getting in the clinic tomorrow so I can start to move on.

I am worried by the time they see me tomorrow, my wd symptoms wont be evident enough for them to do anything for me, and I'll relapse by the end of the week. I feel like its already going to happen. Then its another two weeks for an appointment.