I read your post and I can tell you many many things I've gotten from it that either may help you or not. but let me preface by saying I'm experienced with CBT and DBT, have had suicidal depression, have studied psychology and philosophy, so please accept my best intentions with what I see here.

First thing I notice is that you seem to have a tendency towards black & white thinking. I can point out examples if you ask me to. My point is that black & white thinking causes people pain by oversimplifying things into some kind of order.

In your last paragraph you mention that you have no interests and therefore nothing to talk about with others. I see that you DO have interests: You are interested arguments of logic, debate, debating techniques. You are interested in reason and how to think reasonably (this is Philosophy). You have interest in thinking and intellect. Embrace this as, Something You Are Interested In. It's a part of you.

You say your past views on women were red-pillish, and you lurked there, but didn't know why you took the stories seriously. Well, you're troubled, you've got some hurt / anger / pain around your feelings and sometimes the anger that groups express can resonate with you, especially if your pain goes unexpressed; reading about other's pain can be cathartic. So there's a reason for your lurkage; you're in pain. It's OK.

I'm glad you have had therapy; I think you should continue with it and here's why: you are getting somewhere. You became skeptical of the misogynists. This is big. Don't underestimate your growth here. Look at where you came from, and see that you're on a road here. You're not at the end of that road yet. You're in the middle. You gotta keep going.

this just made me migrate to the antinatalist community, which is based on the belief that life is unconditionally shit

You mention that this way of thinking that you migrated to has -- if I understand you correctly -- negatively affected your progress with CBT -- please correct me if I'm wrong.

If that's true, I'm gonna ask you to really look at that and challenge that. Do it on paper. Do it with a CBT counselor that you trust and really find the kinks in the arguments. Sorry if this sounds vague -- I might be unclear on your meaning here. My point is that I believe there's a possibility that you've made a mistake somewhere in your thinking / logic about this -- much like a mistake in a long algebra equation -- and your'e just a point or two away from correcting that.

I'll stop now, but just let me say, you may have depression, rage, and pain; you may have confusion and you may feel lost. But I see someone who is a fighter, who is intelligent, who is gutsy, and strong. Go with that and count on it. The qualities are there.