No need to defend the cleaning thing --- my girlfriend is the same way (both when upset and not upset). I can't relate, but it's great for me as the house is regularly super clean and half the time she prefers to do it all herself! (Y'all crazy but in a good way).

As for the treatment: the key question is whether he fails to live up to "special days" OR he sucks daily (and can't even rise to the very few occassional).

I think regardless, you're feelings are valid pregnant or not. I think it's perfectly fair to expect more than the minimum. Like you can't have eggs? Don't make eggs. Maybe he's forgetful? Okay after making eggs you didn't want, make something else (especially on mother's Day).

He comes across as not a great partner. I'm assuming a lot from a post but maybe it's time to have a talk / stop having kids to save a failing marriage.

You sound exactly like my parents: my mom was a super mom and does EVERYTHING. My dad couldn't even be bothered to handle dinner for mom today (just ordered a fruit tray for her then went back to the normal "so what are you making for dinner").

The difference is, me and my sibling are both in our 20s. I can see my mom's exhaustion from a lifetime of lugging around a man-child for a husband. It makes me resent my father (resent is putting it kindly). Once the kids are gone, I'm crossing my fingers that my mom has the spine to leave my dad.

It's honestly awful in this day and age that wonderful women put up with shit husbands.

If this sounds like your situation at all, and today is the same as everyday (and your just hoping for one day he actually steps up) then cut your losses.

Again, it's hard to tell if you just have expectations (reasonable ones) for special occasions OR every day is shitty and you hope once or twice a year it's not.