I think he hates me because of my race but he will not leave me, I wish I could understand

I think you have to take this in context. This past year pretty much everything in the United States is unstable especially around race and relationships. Every single one of the minority/ethnic friends and coworkers I know have been feeling attacked and diminished and criticized by society at large, and I'm hearing of domestic fallout like this from all corners. Add covid isolation, economic losses, and dwindling job situations esp for those in their 20s, he's probably hanging on by a thread. Consider that the suicide rate for older men has almost tripled in the past few years. It's not a good time, but that he's casting about for diversions is a sign that he wants coping mechanisms.

Consider countering that you would like to accompany him on his walkabout. That you recognize his strong urge to flee, but that you would rather he feel supported and have some companionship than tracked via phone. Walk with him if you can. Be there if you can, but try not to argue. Let him talk out all the negative shit until he gets tired of his own voice, and starts to hear what he's saying.

Sometimes a crisis is just a crisis, but most of the time it's an opportunity.

/r/DeadBedrooms Thread