He(M27) got me(F21) pregnant and switched up when I had miscarriage. Why do I feel guilty for breaking up with him?

I’m going to delete this rcomment.

3/4 years ago I got pregnant 2 times with my ex (4 years together). I was adamant about having an abortion, I wasn’t ready and he’s 4 years younger than me, so I made up my mind that he wasn’t ready, either.

The first abortion was exceptionally difficult because we accidentally bonded with the baby. I have a vivid memory of him kissing me, saying he loved me, and then kissing my stomach and saying ‘I guess I love you, too.’ I’m crying as a type this, that memory is 4 years old now and it still kills me. He was distant the entire time leading up to the abortion and we broke up afterwards. We got back together.

2nd pregnancy was 3 months later, I had a miscarriage in his parent’s bathroom. I thought it was heavy bleeding from a period, I thought after the abortion my body was a little messed up so it was a heavy flow day. When the bleeding and cramping didn’t stop or get better, we went to the hospital and found out i had miscarried but still had a viable embryo, I had been pregnant with twins. He shut down completely during the lead up to the 2nd abortion, he called me on the day of the surgery as i was in the clinic and I ignored his call. He had ignored me for days. We broke up.

We worked it out and stayed together for 2+ years after that. The plus is because we broke up last year, I even moved out, but we keep seeing each other. We’ve been sleeping together for over a year now but he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with me. He dated another girl for 3 months, and he cheated on her with me.

I am miserable. I am heartbroken. I am still in love with him and I want him back so bad, I want to have a family with him, I miss his cats. He ignores me, he lies to me, he has an active tinder profile, and I stay around as his fuck buddy because at least I get to see him and spend time with him. My brain has decided that he is my person, my family, the father of our 2.5 potential children and I need him.

Please don’t feel like i do. Don’t feel guilty about making a choice, don’t feel like you could have done something or said something differently to make him wake up and come support you and love you. Don’t feel like the magic of pregnancy has been stolen from you (I do). Don’t hold on this relationship, and please make it a clean break until you’re absolutely sure you’ve healed from the loss of your baby. I don’t even want kids right now but I know for sure I really struggled with the abortions and especially the miscarriage. If you want to talk about my miscarriage experience DM me but I’m still not over it and I do recommend therapy.

/r/relationships Thread