I won’t assume to know you well but I’ll share my thoughts and you can use it as you want. My main though when reading your description is chemical imbalance/deficiency (aka depression, although loaded term). Your struggles resonate with my own history. For me, a few strategies were important, - again don’t accept at face value as this might not be true for you. First, I experimented with drugs and found some compounds would have strong “antidepressants” effects on me. For me those were cannabis and prescription amphetamines. My inspiration and happiness was regained with these. And this told me that my natural chemistry might be off. I would guess different drugs work for different people because they have different imbalances. I’ve never touched SSRI and would never dare to - that stuff scares me dead. But I’ve heard ketamine can effect some types of depression as well although I have no experience with this. The point is not to use drugs as a solution but as a check to test it an improved mental state is even possible at all. The second point in my case is how unhelpful the cognitive/behavioral approach is to me. Advice on how to think and what to feel is not only useless but contributes to the feeling of being inadequate. In my case what helped (somewhat) was finding a skilled therapist who use a classic approach (e.g. psychoanalysis, NOT cbt). Childhood issues are no joke and you often don’t see them as clearly as a skilled outsider might. The bad news is that finding a good professional is hard and often expensive depending on where you live. Staying or leaving uni is a big thing. For some uni is a safe place for others it’s hell. I wish you luck.