Okay. So that’s not really literal self harm or you’re overthinking. Trouble is, some people absolutely do serially date abusive partners, and I’d say that’s actually worse than a bunch of silly teenage razor scars and cigarette burns.

I’m being flippant here, but only barely. All things being equal, somebody who emotionally needs abusive men is way more at risk than somebody who somatizes psychic pain by cutting. (An ED would be a different story.)

So the usual qualifier here is ‘you can’t help people etc. blah blah.’ And no you can’t not unilaterally. But if it’s an emotional need basically all you can do is keep the conversation open with her and stress that therapy is an option.