I don't underhand your concern.. I'm not invalidating her feelings, nor do I know her well go comment specifically on that.. but it seems like her own history is coloring her experiences of everything. It seems like anything that's not in her interest would come off as being "forced" or "pressured" because she simply doesn't want to.

I don't understand how you've come to the conclusion that you manipulated, we're controlling or assaulted her.. you stated something that you wanted (something you've spoken about in the past), and you yourself were penetrated. Not her. You're in a relationship—spontaneous sex is a given for most people with partners who are more interested in sex. And again, it would be different if you penetrated her.. no, she penetrated you. If anything, you were the vulnerable, exposed one and not her. Sounds like she hardly participated.

When it comes to anal and peoples responses, it varies. Yes, you want to be hygienic.. but you're human. Things are messy, unforeseen things happen, and as an organic product your contents will settle. People who seek out sex specially to fuck others and have an intolerance to any accidents are hypocritical assholes. It takes no prior effort or preparation for tops and is extremely selfish. All they want is pleasure, not considering the efforts of their partner. Other people just are delicate and can't handle being around a body's natural process. But honestly, it really isn't a big deal. Don't let their fears or concerns worry, upset or diminish your own desires. I mean, what happens if you get sick and need someone to wipe your ass?

Honestly, it sounds a bit selfish on her part. Compassion is important. And so is being kind and understanding. But if you're in an relationship, there needs to be give and take. Why is it fair that you have little to no sex just because she doesn't want to? Why is her lack of desire any more valid or important than your own? You've talked and communicated, and shared your concerns. It just seems like she doesn't want to, and her feelings on the issue are more important than your own. It seems very one sided, and that's not fair to you.

It really sounds like you should be with someone who is willing to compromise and explore with you. Restraining and denying yourself just because of someone else is not healthy. Eventually it's going to cause issues in your relationship, whether one of you starts to resent the other or you start looking for sex else where.

And as asexual/sexually repulsed person it's highly selfish of her to be in a committed relationship with someone who isn't and expect them go against their nature when she isn't willing to do the same. You have desires and urges. And you shouldn't feel shamed for acting out on them when you haven't harmed anyone or actually forced them to do something against their will. She was fine when you penetrated her—she got what she want. She just isn't interested in what you want. You two either need to be in a open relationship, or be together platonically. She needs to be in a committed relationship with someone who has the same level of sexual interest as herself. And so do you.