Here, guys. Let's all vent a bit. What pisses you off beyond comprehension?

I'm in this game development club on campus. We developed this one game that has a motion comic, and I couldn't get more excited since I made comics for 12 years and know how it works.

During the previous game's development, I was typically lazy in submitting my assigned tasks and how I wasn't really placed into better positions that best utilize my writing abilities. My team leaders (narrative) usually praises this person who showcased her skills because she was responsible for writing lines while I did world building.

I assume due to this, her extensive writing classes she took with the other leaders, she became a sub-lead and eventually the lead of the comic team after the other comic lead would rarely come to meetings (getting ahead of myself). Her experience through comics was mainly reading about it rather than actually working on one and knowing the craft. Her skills as a writer was good and her art was okayish, but there's a different skillset when designing a comic and I felt she wasn't it. I even reminded people about my affinity for comics and was even told by the narrative lead, "Yeah, I know how much you love comics, usaokay."

It really bothered the fuck outta me and it still does. I'm not sure if I can do a better job, but only God knows.

Before this rant gets any worse, just want to let you know: I have nothing against her as a person. She is really nice with some minor blemishes on her character. My main issue was that her constant defending views when she asked for criticism or wrong vision when it came to designing it. Because there are various factors that come into play as I kept asking and mentioning things that can work and what cannot. Some of which end up being ignored.

Coupled my frustration with that and mid-terms at the time, I found myself unintentionally insulting her, calling her a "sublead" (which is true since the narrative leads made her a sublead, but evidently everyone said it's an insult to call her that). Eventually that frustration grew into a huge stink about it on Twitter (mistake #1), which someone from the club found out (mistake #2) and found another tweet where I ranted about this different shy person (mistake #3) who I lost respect for because of her attitude issue.

I ended up having to speak about my issues with the president, one of the team leads, and apologizing to her. I felt bad that she found out because typically I'm usually upset about something or someone and I would find ways to make myself be more positive when outside of the internet. The twitter rant (and this rant right now) was simply to vent frustration and knowing someone out there giving a listen and providing a helpful hand helps. Probably doesn't help that I was aggressive, but once again, pent-up frustration. Doesn't really excuse me from what I did.

I was really scared when I had to apologize that anxiety took over and I didn't look anyone in the eye when apologizing. The president critiqued my body language when I was in the middle of talking to the sublead, which was really offensive and rude (he apologized to me when I mentioned it to him months later). I also felt coddled/insulted a fair bit too. Makes sense considering what I did.

After the apology, the comic lead announced she will transfer all comic lead power to the sublead (the one I complained about over twitter). When that was announced, I felt that the timing was really perfect to the point that I just want to quit the club right then and there. It felt like the universe wanted to rub salt on my wound.

Anyways, the main thing I learned from the social media rant was to mainly complain in other non-social media areas where no one would care that much about your issues. That, or just actually talk to the person(s) involved with some professionalism. I learned from experience that even if I didn't complain on social media and simply talked to them about it, nothing would change.

Basically this event caused some slight ripple in our relationship, which was fine back after the apology, but after time grew on, we would rarely get into a conversation with each other. I would rarely speak and look at her in the eyes now, since I always think about that event. I'm afraid of flubbing up along the lines. I also cringe whenever I see everyone being buddy buds with her and how easily along she gets with everyone. It was a constant reminder of my own social failure. They gave her high-fives cause evidently the comic looks great even though it was the artists' job at doing it. I sat there without any sense of acknowledgement from anyone. It felt like my own successes were stolen away by the lead. I felt disconnected from everyone and I reverted back to being just as lonely as I ever been.

Today, as I watch the execution of our motion comic, I couldn't help but recoil in how many ideas didn't pan out for the best. Several factors could be included, like a lack of communication between different teams, lack of vision, playing it safe, "my idea is better and I'm the lead, so we're going with this," and inexperience. There were some good decisions she made like, specific page layouts, tone-setting, and specific camera angles. I do say that most of her decisions though ended up being more detrimental over everything positive. I also felt that I've done a lot more than her in development. I've actually gone to the club's general, development, and administration meetings way more than her. I've also done a bit more in leading and trying to provide substantial communication, but I know I can never have that "comic lead" title. And it depresses the fuck outta me.

The club has specific titles based on how much work the regular members did throughout the project. There are three tiers, with Core being the top tier. She gave everyone Core, with her sister being first (makes sense considering all the work, but kinda rubbed me the wrong way). Everyone else in the group got Core. I honestly felt that I don't deserve that title because I didn't really feel I had much of a huge impact. I was also considering to asking the Credits Guy to remove my name from the credits because I was really disappointed in myself with how much I felt like I didn't do much. I know I contributed a fair bit, but I also felt like I did nothing to improve my own career goals in the right way.

Since I graduate this month and she isn't, I felt that her leading the team was more understandable so she could learn the ropes. But god damn, it felt pretty insulting having her lead something I have a passion for and it ended up not being well-executed in the end. I've been told that I shouldn't blame myself for the execution and that I should blame the comic lead because all final decisions are hers.

But I'm blaming myself for not having the full confidence to get out there and show people what I can do.

I know I can do better with myself. A fuckton better.

/r/AskReddit Thread