I thank you for your sincere words and yes we have a similar story started also in my teenage years and what was fun smoking hash went in a opioid addiction for many years I used and had a normal job. Then methadone game in my life and still take it. I’m not sure if I ever can kick this habit so first I’m focused on getting the benzodiazepines out of my system. My methadone intake every day is high 160 mg but it keeps me stable. I have kids who are doing fine and don’t take drugs, I talked allot with them and I feel proud to say they doing fine. Yes the thoughts off drugs will never go away and that is the same when I dream we carry this with us our hole life but we are in control and I never let H take me we’re I’m now. Sit it out when you want use usually it’s just a few minutes! Don’t call you plug or goin the car to the pick up place ,even when you in the car you can turn around you are in control. Do you use methadone? It can be a lifeline but I made the mistake to stay on it to long but maybe there was no other way because I’m addicted to opioids you know what I mean. So bro stay safe and nice talking to you.