hey where is the critique monday at?

I'll take a shot.

  1. You really need a fucking editor you used cock four times in one paragraph you have words misspelled and a capital letter after the first word.

  2. Your cover sucks. Like I mean it is terrible I almost didn't even use the look inside that's how bad your cover is. If your going to say athletic and muscular in the blurb have them be athletic and muscular not have a skinny pack.

  3. Writing style- don't start your very first paragraph with one line of a sex scene and then explain what happened in the rest of that paragraph. The background felt extremely misplaced. Plus, why are you starting off with a cock going in an asshole then rewinding to a blowjob at the very least you should of been describing a whole blowjob then explain how they met or something.

4.Editing again. You used "his" referring to two different people in the very same sentence(I read it four times and still have no clue what is going on really). Also in this paragraph he's sucking Ben's dick why is he talking about his own out of the blue.

  1. Next paragraph sounds weird. "He slid his tongue inside like it belongs there" I'm not gay so take this with a grain of salt, but this makes me think Devon got his whole tongue inside Ben's but-thole which is weird and seems implausible.. if I'm wrong so be it.

  2. Next Paragraph. You really didn't capitalize the first word? The fuck dude!

  3. Next line.. no period. Alright I'm done reading this.

  4. The blurb- I don't have any experience in writing blurbs at all and this is going to sound harsh, but I can tell you with absolute certainty it is shit.

  5. How many pages is it?

The pros cause I feel I was harsh.

  1. You've written and publish something.

  2. You have balls publishing something you didn't read over.

/r/eroticauthors Thread