I’m not gonna even do this on a throwaway. Don’t wait for someone close to you to die. It’s awful. One of the most important people in my life took his life recently. We grew up together, and we were family. We both knew how depressed the other was and just kept each other company. He decided to peace out early. Now all I can think about is how I owe him my life and it’s my turn to take out the trash. It’s terrible. The grief doesn’t just make the barrier fade. It gives it a whole new drive. You’ll start thinking about things you never even thought could cross your mind. The abundance of reasons to die becomes a lot on the mind. Someone close passing doesn’t shed light, or help, or make things easier. It all becomes an obsession. It’s really terrible. I’d say hold on to the things close to you. don’t let them die while you sit back and wait for your turn. All it does it make the pain unbearable once it happens. Take care.