Hi all. I didn’t know if this was the best place. But I wanted your critique on lyrics I wrote. It’s about bipolar disorder amongst other things

I didn’t think this is how it would be posted. I thought it would be posted more like this:

I sink into sound Head heavy, I spin And you can relate Switches flick but don’t change

A horse taps its mane Hooves touch to the ground Poles cycle, up down Circles spiral, no end

And why is it us Voices ring in our mind Get us off from this ride Merry, Not this time

And the light hurts my eyes Hear the mutters and laughs How we want to hold still Can’t be fixed without pills

I rattle, you shake I tingle, you break And they say it takes time Learn to cope, you’ll be fine

Escape to what’s real 3 months till it’s sealed And the tune keeps its tone Only fastens or slows

Abandon ourselves Pretend that we’re well White coats for black sheep Change color to please

And the light hurts my eyes Hear the mutters and laughs How we want to hold still Can’t be fixed without pills

And why is it us Voices ring in our mind Get us off from this ride Merry, Not this time

A horse taps its mane Hooves touch to the ground Poles cycle, up down Circles spiral, no end

I sink into sound Head heavy, I spin And you can relate Switches flick but don’t change

/r/writers Thread