Hi! I'm new here - Struggles with NC (long)

In my experience, first as the scapegoat of narcissistic parents, and then through giving counseling to survivors of such parents for thirty years, the enabling parent is almost always the more guilty of the two parties. The "witch" is in the grip of a terrible and uncontrollable compulsion. She was twisted beyond recover before she was ten years old. You have to go no contact with such people, but scratch a malignant narcissist, and right under the surface you will find a molested child hiding at the back of the closet.

It is the enablers who illicit my ire. At any step of the way they could have stopped the abuse. At any step of the way that could have taken your part, drawn a line in the sand, and demanded that the abuse stop. But they didn't do that, did they? Through every step of this course of abuse the enabling parent chooses their own convenience and interest, and then they top it all off gaslighting you into thinking they were on your side. If they had been on your side the abuse would never have happened.

Enablers are cunning amoral liars and users, who will serve up children to Moloch if it serves their comfort or convenience. Get them out of your life as quickly as possible. Get them out of your life with a greater priority than the narcissist. The enabler is the one who staged the play. The narcissist just read the lines.

Finally, your sister has stepped into the shoes of the abuser in your life. It is all a question of how much pain do you want? The universe is very accommodating. It will give you all the pain you choose to have, and some you don't want. If the sister won't stop raising the issues discontinue talking with her until she does. Give her an ultimatum talk, telling her to stop or go away, and when she escalates, demonstrating her budding narcissism, go no contact with her as well.

/r/parentlessbychoice Thread