I'm actually gonna get it when I get paid because screw it lol knowledge is power? Post is saved.

I appreciate the reply. That actually makes a lot of sense. I cut her off but not because I don't care about her. She needed her own kind of stability, and I needed mine. If it wanted to happen, it would have right? That's what I got out of your comment. Still sucks though. I thought about her for a long time. Even though nothing happened, we practically grew up together. It hurts thinking about the past in a bittersweet kind of way. I've been trying to figure out exactly what it was about that relationship that kept me sucked in. There were a couple of potential relationships I sacrificed in the hopes it would happen, but it never did. She kept me around while she had boyfriends as well, it was really fucking confusing.

It sounds stupid, but I had questions that ate me up for years about what the hell was happening. I don't think I'll ever really know the answers.