For starters. He is a high functioning partner. But he’s manipulative. One thing I have learned is that alcoholism never goes away- it’s something that never gets cured. It just doesn’t, that’s a fact. In the AA book they say it only gets worse, never better. Having one drink here or there is one feeding into their addiction, it’s not making anything better for anyone- especially them.
Do not think you are paranoid.
I am newly engaged to an addict, we’ve been together two years, we’ll be together three years before getting married. We tried having a drink together when we go out- the first time we did it, we had daiquiris and he’d be the one making them... he’d add extra alcohol into his when I wasn’t looking. the next time we tried drinking together when we were out eating.... it was a few days later that I found him drunk in his room and he admitted to me he’d been drinking off and on for the past two years after he had told me good night at nights and/or he’d told me he was at work/school and he was really home drunk.
So no. You are not paranoid. He is high functioning. And he is abusing it.
You aren’t alone.