"hello, team. i am about to play exceptionally poorly. you ave no idea how badly. i am going to attempt ganks from a position of extravagant weakness, i am going to steal kills, i am going to be way out of position and will take immense damage from towers. i am basically going to shovel myself into their carry as often as i can.

"if we lose, however, it is your fault, not mine - my rampant feeding will be part of a clever ploy and our total loss will be your responsibility for not somehow capitalizing on it. in no way will i at any point take any responsibility for being single-handedly responsible for our loss.

"also do not talk to me or call me out on how intensely poorly i am playing, because i will use that as proof that you are not as intelligent as i am and will immediately stop everything to engage in an infuriating flamewar with anyone who will respond to me.

"i am everything wrong with this community. i am the essence of toxicity. btw i am intensely insecure about my intelligence, so if you really want to get a rise out of me, make sure you call me stupid because holy shit will i seize that bait with every tooth and just whip out so many impossibly meaningless or imaginary achievements you will not know whether to laugh or cry.

"and then we'll lose.

"and i will report each and every one of you.

"gl hf!