Hiking solo

I didn't start out hiking solo, but when people started to stop speaking to me entirely after leisurely backpacking trips I started to get the hint.

It turned out that I hated to go solo, the desperate loneliness and shame over my unfulfilled life: lack of quality job mostly my lack of quality girlfriends. During every trip, rather than come to terms with myself, I would start to question my interest in backpacking at all. Why am I here in the woods when S, M, etc. are back in town and I'm too scared, too poor, too stupid to call them or find someone else? There's no one in the woods. And it's not like I'm capable of striking up a conversation if there were.

So, I spent years trying to find a way to get used to being alone in the woods, reading Edward Abbey, books on philosophy, thinking about drugs, but nothing helped.

Many, many times over the years I planned, bought food, packed, got permits for week long backpacking trips, drove hundreds of miles to various trailheads, hiked for hours, and then decided to go home. I walked out, with 10-20 pounds of food, and drove the several hours home. Again and again. Occasionally I'd stay one night of my week long trip and go home first thing in the morning.

The best solution I came up with was to leave in the evening so I'd arrive at a campsite and be forced to camp out at least one night. I'd wake up at dawn, pack and head home immediately. At least I'd done "something."

Later I read about fast-packing in Backpacker magazine and spent one pretty good season not camping at all. In one day, in light shoes, with a small backpack, I hiked a 19.5 mile day from Yosemite Valley past Half-Dome and back. I hiked a 21 mile day loop from June Lake to Thousand Island Lake and back. I hiked 21 miles on the snow covered Badger Pass Road in April to Glacier Point in Yosemite where I was completely alone for over an hour, compared to the mass of people usually there on a summer day.

But then I moved away and doubled my drive times to the Sierra and haven't tried that since '97.

I went ultralight about the same time I got married and started a family. So we all have Golite umbrellas and hand-sewn Ray Jardine backpacks and sleeping quilts and once my son was old enough we've gone on several overnight backpacking trips. And on each and every one of them until I quit in 2010 I've become "sick" for lack of a better word. Either elevation sickness, sunburn, heat exhaustion, dehydration, out of shape, poor nutrition, something undiagnosed, or a combination of all of those. I get light headed, too nauseous to eat, I end up forcing myself to drink so much that I have to get up several times during the night to pee, sleeping hurts so much, my arms constantly fall asleep and I toss and turn and barely sleep at all. In the morning I'm stumbling, with a headache, and unable to eat. On the last few trips I began vomiting violently after arriving at camp. Setting up the tent seems to exacerbate the issue. Being forced by my family to cook first dinner, then breakfast, when I'm too sick to eat is a problem. That my family doesn't help much in camp is a problem. That I have to drive the whole way, four or five hours each way, because my wife doesn't drive is a problem.

So, like I said, in 2010 I decided I'd had enough. We spent the summer of 2011 in SE Asia so it didn't come up but since we've been back I've just been wondering whether I should even bother trying again.

Instead I've taken up mountain biking and I've been really trying and going twice a week for the last year and a half but my family has decided not to even try to keep up. If we go now, which happens every couple months, it always leads to temper tantrums from both of them. I have to let them set the pace, no question because I'd just be gone in five minutes. But it's still not good enough. So while I'm biking they stay home. Last week was Spring Break and my wife was off two days but I went biking twice solo.

Anyway, animals are the least of my concerns. I have a Bearikade Weekender, camped at the Hetch Hetchy camp notorious for bear visits and didn't see a single bear, so bears don't much concern me. People don't scare me much as long as I don't have to talk to them. I usually place my tent wrong and get up with a trash bag to sleep out on the ground somewhere more level anyway so I'm not really scared of anything "out there". Just myself getting sick.

/r/hiking Thread