Hitting your child

TBH I have mixed feelings when I read anti-spanking stuff. I nod along with 95% percent of it, but it isn't necessarily abuse. I, like synapse-heart, draw a clear distinction between a hit and spank—the words have opposing connotations for me because I can’t equate one parent’s abuse to another’s controlled punishment.

In the interest of oversharing on the web, my father hit me in anger, but spankings were different. My brother, who is eons older than me and in a parent role, spanked me for dangerous behaviors (things that could hurt me far more than the superficial sting of a spanking), and followed them with unreserved affection and comfort. No, not for spanking itself (I wasn't afraid here). I just had a tendency to bottle everything up, which led to the dangerous behavior in the first place, and I often found myself finally letting the feelings out at that time. Maybe it's not the right approach for every kid or every family, but for me it worked.

Overall, I think spanking is unfairly lumped into 'hitting.’ Its use doesn't automatically make a parent abusive, though I do feel many parents spank abusively. Just isn't as black and white as people think. I condone spanking for rare instances—really dangerous behaviors that could get a kid hurt or killed. Anything else can be handle differently.

I guess, I'm saying don't be so quick to judge until you have a completely accurate picture—I've been both spanked and abused, and one left me deeply traumatized while the other did not. If it seems like they're striking their kid for terrible reasons and/or you notice the kid is otherwise being mistreated (verbally shoved around, etc.), I'd begin to worry, but until then, let it go. You don't quite know the full context of the situation and are unfairly judging their childrearing when the kid hasn't even been born yet.

/r/Parenting Thread