Unlike most, Christmas progressively got better for me every year. When I was really young, I was never taught about Santa. My parents never felt the need to explain him. I was always curious about the rather large red man I see though. I always assumed it was like Ronald McDonald, and that everyone knew him. I just pretended I did. I learned about him in middle school when the class had to sing a song about him.

Ever since then, I've just been really excited to see him. Everyone says he's fake, but I tell them they're wrong, this might sound ridiculous, but I really did meet this guy! He's as awesome as he seems too.

It started out as a usual white Christmas. Actually, I lie, the road was covered in slush from the rain. I was spreading Christmas joy to everyone, and they were grumbling and telling me to Fuck off. Whatever, I didn't mind. They didn't understand the magic in the air, alongside with the second-hand smoking that lingered in this shitty wonderful town.

While I was going down town, I heard a can pull out right next to me. And you wouldn't believe who popped out! It was mother fucking Santa Claus. It wasn't one of those retail Santa either, he told me that he was the real one. He had a red van and a snowy white beard.

"I ride a red van so that people don't know I'm in here! It's like I'm in incognito." he said.

And I knew that word because of Google chrome, so I knew I could trust this guy. I went into his van, purely out of my free will, not because I he forced me into it or anything. In the back of his van was toys and toys and more toys! And a used condom.

I rode with guy for a few days, telling jokes and what it's like in b the North Poll.

"You're an alright girl." Santa said. "I was going to sell you into sex trafficking, but I might just keep you for myself." he joked.

I laughed, he laughed. He would sometimes drink his coke just like on the coke-a-cola cans, except with his nose, and the coke he used was white as snow. All was good in the middle of January. Then he was spotted by the police.

"Come out with your hands up, Nicholas!" they yelled. "We know you're using a Santa suit to steal from malls and stores!" they lied.

Old Saint Nick wasn't having any of that though. He busted out a gun a joking held me hostage with a gun to my temple.

"You're going to let me go or else this little girl-" but they shot him down before he could finish. Without even concern for my safety. I cried and cried, as the police surrounded him.

Santa coughed blood and was choking on it as well.

"Holy shit kid, you didn't even get shot once." he said. With his last breath and a twinkle in his blood shot eyes, he said "It's a Christmas miracle, you little shit." he then died in my hands. I'll never forget our trips together, our high stake robberies and drug uses. Always using me as bait like his elves I read in his stories as he grabs toys and other cash for the kids next year.

I got dropped off later to my parents house, and that hadn't realized I was gone until I told them I was kidnapped. Then I got punished for being kidnapped.

I dream of him some times. I know he's still alive, that's why we celebrate every year.

So Merry Christmas everyone! Be good, and maybe you'll get kidnapped too, /r/AskReddit