Homosexuality in Islam - Abd Al-Rauf

See, you literally went and did what makes me afraid to talk to people. You said my desires don't control my actions and then went and judged me based on my desires not my actions. You criticized my "lifestyle" even though I have NEVER touched a woman the wrong way and never planning to do it. Such burdens are meant to be shared with others, not carried alone. But I can't seek help can I. They'll all pull the holier-than-thou act you just did and start calling me sinful for having emotions I cannot control. And then they'll be shocked because I'm angry, of course I'm angry, I'm angry the way a child is mad at his father. It's either that or being a suicidal mass of depression. And how dare you question my Islam? Telling me to go and join r/exmuslims, you're not the one who decides who's Muslim and who isn't.

I'm not happy with the way my life is turning, I don't dare talk to Him, I don't dare hope to Him, or cry to Him. I do not define my self with my sexuality, because I've always defined it by my belief, it was my life, I loved the feeling of belonging to something bigger and better than you. It's because that took a hit, I lost all sense of identity.

Tonight I had a dream that I was at the shrine of Al-Imam Al-hussein (p), the place was empty, I was alone, but I also felt lonely. I wanted to get closer to the Imam, in my dream, but then I remembered that I'm not worthy, and I couldn't get closer. In times of difficulty, I used to always pray to God for signs, for guidance. But I never got any. This is the first time He sends me something, and I do believe it was Him. I just don't know what it means. But I do know that I really really need help, help that unfortunately I cannot receive.

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