Oh shit I got a great one. I tell this story regularly, so years ago, hanging out with my neighbor in my neighborhood, we run down to the store to get some beer. We get back and everybody is in their yards and talking. This young military couple (him army, her hooters waitress) apparently snapped. She’s gone tiger woods on his truck with a bat. So we crack open the beers and watch, some of the other neighbors are trying to mediate. They are cussing and yelling at each other, apparently they were separating/separated and he brought another young girl home (another hooters waitress from the same location). Let’s see:

At one point the younger waitress shows up and gets her ass kicked, shirts ripped, breasts flopping, all the guys except me trying to break them up. I stood there drinking my beer with the wives, like “I don’t know these folks so I’m not touching no one.”

The “wife” walked into the house came out with a duffel bag full of dildos. We are all like “woah, come on keep that inside.” She pulls a big floppy dildo out and yells “you see this here, he likes me to fuck him in the ass.”

“Wife” threatens to damage the girlfriends car with a ripped up walkway light. She’s ranting about how it’s on her property and she can do what she wants legally, etc. At this point I finally jump into action, “Ma’am I don’t know you, but that’s incorrect.” She looks at me and goes “oh,” drops the lantern and moves on to whatever else she was doing.

Police show up tell them to go their separate ways tonight. So wife calls a ride, two skeezy looking dudes, and walks down to another neighbors house to wait. The only thing, the one and only thing she takes with her and she starts walking down the road like Banner in the old Incredible Hulk TV show is the bag. Yep, the bag of dildos.