I thought I would more time. I am too young :-( I don't want to leave the world and my work so young, my life had only just begun, after breaking free from controlling family and having my freedom for only a few years. I had just started life. I had just started. I had worked so hard. Now it is sad. I have to leave the house I built myself and fell in love with and my work. I had made my own 'Heaven on Earth' and now I have to leave it so soon after making it :-( I am an unusual case because I don't want to die, I have loved life (had only just started to) but I feel I have to kill myself as I am unable to cope with my physical suffering anymore. the worst part is the guilt - I gave myself these problems through unnecessary cosmetic surgery. It's sad because I don't hate myself. I loved my personality and talent. I hate to have to kill those by suicide. I hate I have to kill myself. but there is no choice any more :-( I don't want to lose myself so young. I loved myself. I hate to kill someone I love (myself). :-( But maybe killing myself is the best way of showing love to myself - by ending my suffering. I love myself and it will break my heart that I must destroy myself for peace :-( I was my best friend in life (couldn't depend on anyone else). I cheered myself up when I was low. I laughed when I watched comedy tv and films on my own. I was my best friend. and now I have to kill my best friend. I don't want to lose her or kill them. it breaks my heart. but i suppose the kindest thing I can do would be to kill myself. it would be my final way of showing love to myself. it breaks my heart. i don't want to kill my best friend (myself). :-(