I’m not even 100% sure as to why I’m writing this I guess it’s a way for me to get everything out and hopefully it will help somebody in the process, let me start by telling you something; LOVE sucks. But why exactly? That’s a question that has many different answers I’ll explain why love sucks for me and why it’s so painful to get over something that you once had and then poof gone all of a sudden. Who I am doesn’t matter, I do not seek recognition for this I will however tell you her name; Emily- Emily was the girl every guy dreams about beautiful eyes, amazing smile, caring, loving, weird, just an amazing person over all. Me? Not so much, I’m not bad looking, but I’m not the best of the bunch either, I fell in love with this girl 2 years ago believe it or not it was through a game; Minecraft to be specific, she was such an amazing girl she showed me what true happiness was she was my escape from everything , she gave my life meaning something that I had lost in the past due to certain events, she came into my life and immediately had a place in my heart, a place just for her no one else. Everything was amazing the relationship was beautiful, very happy, enjoying every minute I spoke to her, but there was something else… me. Now, why was I the bad person here? Simply put, because of my behavior. Emily was like I said an amazing girlfriend, she was always there for me whenever I needed her, she became my best friend, my lover, and she became the one for me. But I hurt her; she always told me that it was ok to be open about feelings, that it was ok to show emotions, something I could never do and I ended up pushing her away whenever I felt vulnerable, I was jealous, I brought past relationship issues into this relationship which should never happen but I learned the hard way, I was really jealous I always wanted to know who she was talking to, who she was hanging out with, she always she said loved me and only me and didn’t want no one else, I was happy to hear that. But jealousy never stopped, due to my past relationship I always thought she’d be the same, even though she told me that wasn’t going to cheat on me, or leave me that she’d always be there for me but I always had doubts that never went away, it got to the point that she didn’t want to go out with friends because she was afraid she’d make me mad, which it did happen, I wanted her for me only. She kept thinking that she didn’t make me happy because I was always getting mad at what she did, without knowing I was becoming controlling of her and wanted to control her every action, who she spoke to, I’d get jealous if she spoke to somebody of the opposite gender, even though she told me she wouldn’t cheat on me, yet I never could let go of the past. It was becoming intoxicating for her, she needed to get out of the relationship, she didn’t know how to deal with all my emotions, I always thought I had my emotions in check and could control them perfectly, turns out that I didn’t and I couldn’t, I’d get random outburst of jealousy, anger, sadness, depression; she always told me that I should go see a therapist so I could be better and help myself, that it would benefit us, it would benefit me. But I said I didn’t need one. The relationship for her became bad, the last few months arguments started to happen more often because of me, it got to the point where she just couldn’t take it anymore and decided to leave me… When I saw that text message …”good bye” my world immediately fell over, my happiness gone in an instant, my motivation in life, my everything gone. Why? All because of me, I pushed her away. She blocked me everywhere she could and I couldn’t contact her. Few days later she unblocks me on Facebook and by this time, I’d had some time to think about everything I couldn’t eat or sleep so I would stay up all night reading our conversation, what did I do wrong? Everything, I did everything wrong. I was an emotional mess, days go by and I can’t eat at all nor sleep all I could think about was her and everything that I did to hurt her, and how I could fix it; I couldn’t fix it anymore it was too late, she was gone forever and there was nothing I could do to get her back, all because of me.
It’s been two weeks since I last contact her and she blocked me once again, I was still a mess so I wasn’t thinking straight, I only pushed her away further from me. What have I done during this time? I’ve gotten better, I’ve worked on myself, I started to see a therapist so that I could be a better person for her, for me. I have my thoughts straight now, no more suicidal thoughts or something else. But I can’t tell her, for her…I’m no one anymore. Just a mistake in her life. I’m a better person, I wish I could tell her that. I wish I could tell her that I still love her with death. But I can’t… not anymore… now why am I telling you this? Well, I want you or anyone that is going through the same thing to hopefully learn something from my mistake.

Tell your boyfriend/girlfriend that you love him/her. Show support to each other do not censor each other – let each other say whatever you feel like. LOVE each other with passion Understand each other.

Do not make the same mistake I did, do not let your past affect your future. Look at me now, still in love with her unable to move on, she’s happy without me and doesn’t need me anymore, but I do need her? Absolutely, how can I move on when I’m still in love with her?