If it makes you feel better, last month I went out for the first time in ages with an old friend I hadn’t seen in years, blacked out, and proceeded to shit my pants in public (and, without getting into too much detail, I have IBS so it was particularly unpleasant) rack up a $150 Uber cleaning charge, and make a mess in my friend’s bathroom. To say I was humiliated and horrified would be an understatement. My depression is worse than my anxiety these days (but the anxiety is still far from good) but I’ve finally accepted that it happened and there’s nothing I can do about it. I was completely devastated the day after; I cried myself into a migraine and felt so terrible for inconveniencing and embarrassing my friend, for inconveniencing and undoubtedly disgusting the Uber driver, for being disgusting, and for letting my parents down (they worry about me as all parents worry about their kids but even more so because of my issues and tendency to screw things up for myself). You didn’t hurt anyone and you didn’t hurt yourself, all you can do is learn from it and try not to let it happen again. I have been in your shoes (and worse) so I understand what you’re going through and am sending a virtual hug your way. Just remember: it could be worse, you could have soiled yourself ¯\(ツ)/¯