Right, and--this is the important bit--freaks like me will go do this. Go study the assholes, put their brains under powerful computers and try to figure out why exactly they're so selfish and cruel, and figure out how to both treat and prevent it. I'm on it.

You, and by which I mean to address the broader population of people damaged by the abusive behavior of assholes, really do not. It is in the best interest of all us to understand that people tend toward selfishness and cruelty, rather than toward kindness and cooperation. And every time we give the benefit of the doubt to some asshole, we betray our social duty to ourselves and the broader public to prevent assholes from acting without accountability.

We the victims of assholes really, really do not need to empathize with the people who abused us or might abuse us. We, as individuals, need to learn to sniff out the faintest whiff of abusiveness and send it packing immediately. As people, we need to stop giving the benefit of the doubt to people who will use us.

So please, unless you've chained yourself to the science or practice of understanding mental health and the human mind, let yourself off the hook. Trying to sympathize and empathize with the people who abused you will only slow and hinder your healing, and open you to further abuse. It's not on you to understand why they do it.