At least you are trying to understand. Well, i will try to keep this short. I lapsed for a short period of time, lied about it and got caught. Got sent to a lockdown loony bend for nearly week bc of something stupid I texted. Got out. Lost my job of 12 years bc my parents volunteered info to my boss ( i am in my 30s and yes my parents)...wife pretended like she was going to stay with me. 2 weeks later Removed from our home, OP came, divorce filing came. The promise to reconcile came as she divorced me while pregnant and w our 2 year old. Shortly after, Was at a friend of mine for 1 night bc i had been sleeping in car for 2 nights prior. I saved 2 people from dying while watching an 8,000 sqft house burn all the way to you ground. Noone ever asked how I was bc they didnt like said friend. Lost all grasps on reality and was living in a world where I was terrified people were after my family, who wouldnt let me near them, and after me. I was having nightly panic attacks and breakdowns. It was all so real. Some of this started before the fire right after I was kicked out but got worse after. And it stayed like this until wife moved 7 hours away with newborn and 2yr old. Somehow, after 4 long months of hell, I became mentally normal again like the day after they moved. . .And it is terrifying to look back and try to understand how I could be in that mental state or what caused it. I had no help from anyone. I know I scared my wife and I feel horrible for it. But instead of helping me in any way she made me feel like a subhuman pathetic monster on a daily basis. Everyone blamed it on drugs eventhough I would continue to pass random drug tests (and got diagnosed bipolar, & adhd a year before and situationally induced thought disorder). My alleged family who cares so much about me, including my wife, were the meanest anyone has ever been towards me during this period. So, naturally, I started a business with no money, no resources and no leverage. Business gave me a reason to keep living and hopes of my family. We start getting back together bc i am proving myself and on the day of my hair follicle drug test she told me she was dating someone and she has ghosted me for 3 months now. Havent seen a pic of my son and have talked to my daughter twice. But I work on and at my business 100 hours a week to stay sane and to keep myself from going back to historical ways I reduce pain. So, the mental breakdown for me was a complete and total loss of reality and being in a new reality that was terrifying, lonely, shameful and embarrasing 24/7 for 4 months. Not fun. Hope it never happens again bc I was powerless and it cost me my entire life. Except for my daughter here, whom was the only one who loved me through this, and is who gets me through every passing day now. Does that help at all?