How do I [26/m] she [26/f] not the woman I once loved? She is ignoring me and I feel like a broken man.

Okay, first of all: get over this madonna/whore thing you've got going. Your girlfriend did not start out as some magical paragon of virtue and then suddenly transform into pure evil. She is a person, living a life as you do, as imperfect and flawed as we all are. Putting her up on a pedestal was unhealthy; demonizing her now is equally unhealthy. For you, not for her.

I mention this because it may be part of why your relationship came to a screeching halt. Because it doesn't seem like you're viewing your ex as a person in her own right, only as a thing that affects your life. If this is how you view your girlfriends, or any of the people in your world, then you are doing it wrong, and will have endless relationship difficulties until you sort that out.

Meanwhile. You're bitter, and that's understandable, but you're blaming it on her being "cold", and that's some twisted perception on your part. If she's "cold", it is because she has broken up with you. And maybe some small part of that "coldness" comes from those rambling messages you sent. Were they along the same lines as this post? Blaming her for not being what you wanted her to be? Shaming her for not catering to your feelings after she'd already broken up with you? Putting down her new guy because he has "no ambition"? Here's a hint: that "ambition" you prize so highly obviously doesn't matter to her the same way it does to you. Do you even know what matters to her? Did you ever?

"Whoever she is now". She hasn't changed, dude. You're just seeing her differently. And there is great value in that knowledge, because it will help you see your next girlfriend more clearly, and hopefully have a better and stronger relationship.

Time will help heal your wounded heart. You'll get over her, although it will hurt. But... you would do well to consider the things I've said above, or you'll end up repeating the same cycle with someone else. The only reason pain is ever useful is when it teaches us lessons we need to learn. Learn something from this. Learn something about yourself. Learn things to make your next relationship stronger.

You'll get through this. You will.

Just make sure you're better, and stronger, after you have.

/r/relationships Thread