Thank you. I've been slowly making little comments here and there about death and trying to bring it to him in tiny increments. I'm really hoping to kinda gently ease him to it so he doesn't take it as hard when I do go. I tried having a "big intense" convo about it but he shut down. I know he's scared. I was scared. We certainly don't want to lose each other. But I'm also a human being, I'm not a robot. My body can only physically take so much. And as shitty as it is, it's just what it is. And the pain is so bad. I'm so good with handling pain too. But this? I've begged someone put me out of my misery during the bad moments. I'm in so much pain every day. All I can do is cry and exist now.