So this one time in college my buddy has this great idea to host an orgy at his parents house in the next town over. They were both professors, and this podunk part of upstate New York had very little going on, so his place was like if MTV's Cribs if they exclusively showed renovated Victorians on rural trucking routes. Anyway, his parents were out of town and I was "the guy with the camera" in our group (back in the Sony Handycam age this was the equivalent of being the only guy with a pickup truck when a friend decides to move). So he's rich-ish and trendy but doesn't quite have modern influencer tier clout, so he's literally just trawling downtown and the neighboring colleges trying to ease girls into coming to his place, in an effort that could only be described as a preteen-looking Richie Rich hosting Bang Bus.
The night comes and he allegedly got a group of three girls already down to fuck, plus anyone else who shows up. There's me, the sound guy/boom operator (if a hockey stick with an Zoom H2 counts as a boom mic), and the host, so do the math, right? Well, it turns out that everyone involved was more interested in the idea of an orgy than actually participating. There's one girl who lives and breathes Bad Girls Club energy, and decides to take the host upstairs. I have to credit her, because I was bashful at the prospect of even filming this thing, like I'm not trying to be some kinky David Attenborough guy or anything, this guy just hosted some cool parties and I liked having a ride and free beer most times.
We started rolling and things immediately get weird. She's probably watched more porn than the whole room combined, and starts rolling out this script of "I'm a good Christian girl who's saving her sacred hole for marriage" or some shit, then heavily alluding to the poop hole loophole. This whole setup is so awkward that her friends start pulling from the dragon fruit Smirnoff bottle like it's lemonade on a hot day. She grabs the host by the tie (he was dressed like he couldn't decide if he was going to the golf or yacht club), and started dragging him upstairs. I don't know if you've ever watched one of your boys fuck, but it's honestly fucking weird. There's a lot of coy foreplay as she pretends she wants it in the ass and he pretends that it's totally worth making his parents bed once they're done. I got it all on tape. With a lot of butter, my boy Butter Dick (as he shall forever be named) manages to get his dick inside her and starts fucking with all the dispassion pf someone dancing with a girl at a middle school dance. She tells him to choke her with his tie, and boy howdy does this cowboy rope him one. He's like, actually choking her, and she is totally into it.
Well, there's a commotion downstairs. Her friends were getting real drunk, real fast, but that wasn't it. My back is to the door, and I'm trying to give Spielberg a run for his money with my camera angles. Suddenly, her one friend bursts through the door, loses her balance, and straight up drunkenly crashes into the sound guy. He whips around and smashes the third girl in the face with his microphone on a stick and knocks out one of her teeth. Butter Dick yanks hard on the reins and pulls out, and the girl he was ass-fucking straight up rolls over and shits everywhere, convulsing and clawing at the time around her neck. The room is instantly toxic with the vapor of raw, premature fences, and I involuntarily gag. Girl 2 pukes all over the guy she fell on, then wretches while running to the bathroom, puking on the feet of girl 3, who in bleeding profusely over the sink. The commotion started because the host's parents came home early and found two drunk chicks on their couch watching skinimax. The dad busts through the door and he is red in the face, screaming something incomprehensible like he's speaking in demonic tongues while reading an IKEA catalogue. There's shit, puke and blood everywhere, and the chick who Butter Dick was fucking totally fails to read the room, or has just abolished all social inhibitions, and she grabs the dad by his groin and asks if he wants some. Butter Dick goes from full shock to exorcist style vomit mode. He runs to the bathroom with puke spewing through the fingers clenching his mouth and blinding tears in his eyes only to unload on Girl 2 who is bracing the toilet.
Everyone mass evacuated but me; I was dumbfounded. The smell itself was petrifying. The screams echoed down the stairs, out the door and dispersed into the street leaving a stinking trail so heavy it almost showed up on camera. I'm hiding behind it like its 3in lcd screen is separating me from reality itself. Even the parents are so horrified that I might as well be invisible. I grab the hockey stick and run out of the house, passing Butter Dick on the lawn. He hands me 200 bucks and takes the camera before running into the woods to hide it something. I never dared watch that tape, but hear he released the whole thing as an independent snuff film. If you want to see it you can look it up, I think it's called The Aristocrats.
Was that more than a minute?