How am I supposed to relax around people when I have to constantly monitor myself and hide from them?

I'm having similar problems at work. I'm very quiet at my job. I hide behind my half rise cubicle wall a lot, but ever since I got switched to a different location in my office, around new people I've seen it as an opportunity to break out of my bad habits.

Some things I've noticed. If you have anything legitimate to talk to someone about. ANYTHING. Even if it's the weather, or an interesting thought or observation you had, even if it's a compliment like.. I like your hair or something. As long as it's coming from you and from an honest place. People will be receptive to it.

In other words they won't ignore you or make you feel weird about it. I don't know when you're around people the most, but seriously just talk about anything on your mind that has some element of positivity to it. The secret is that as long as it comes from you it has value, and people (unless they're very mean spirited) will naturally have an interest in it if it genuinley comes from you.

So for example, at work, one way I connect with my boss is by simply discussing the work itself. We connect by me asking her questions about invoices. It's something I'm genuinly interested in, because I need the know it in order to do my job, and it gives us a way of relating to one another.

We talk, we see each other's faces, we smile at each other and wham! I had a good conversation. Sometimes we joke about how annoying an invoice is or something.. and wow! We laughed!

Seriously, as long as you come from a place of positivity, literally anything that comes out of your mouth is going to work as long as you don't half ass it, and you don't come off intimidated about saying it. Just throw your self out there. If it's genuine and it fails, at least people will think of you as someone whose trying and they'll find it endearing.

/r/aspergers Thread