How are you

I’ve been down bad since summer. Reckoning with the fact that everything I worked for in high school and in college didn’t give me the satisfying life I thought it would. I worked my ass off to leave my rinkydink hometown and make it in New York City as a writer, and I did it four years ago. Academically and achievement-wise, I was always the girl that had her shit together. Now I’m depressed and lonely and tired of being broke and not having a car and I want nothing more than to move back home to my friends and my family and the life that I knew for 22 years. But I don’t know how to do it. No jobs in my former area have gotten back to me. My parents are not good at hiding their disappointment. Neither am I. And I wonder how much of this newfound urgency to go home has to do with a certain person I reconnected with this summer, and who has always treated me like shit (and still does even though we just went through an accidental pregnancy and termination last month). I’m ashamed that it might be more than I want to acknowledge. I’ve always been good at blowing things up for myself, especially in the sex/dating department, but never like this. Never been down this bad. I feel so lost and listless and unmoored.

/r/offmychest Thread