How are you. What's going wrong right now that you just want to get off your chest and speak about it with no judgement?

Okay. A few months ago I started a new job after graduating college at 32 years old. It's in a related field as my major (computer science) but it's not the specific field I want to be in, which is programming. I like this job, but it's not what I want to do long-term. So, the easy solution would be to spend free time enhancing my skills and making projects that I can show to potential employers to get into programming.

Thing is, my girlfriend has mental health issues (anxiety, depression, BPD) that eats all of my free time. We've been together 3 years, and I would have been long gone by now except, she's honestly trying. She's seeing a nutritionist and a therapist. She's taking it very seriously, and there have been major improvements since she started seeing professionals again.

But, it's a long road. Some days are still pretty bad, and even the good days require careful treading. I can sit at work all day and think about how when I get home I'm going to work on a project I'm "working on," but as soon as I get home there's a decent chance I hear "ugh, I'm really depressed today" and what am I supposed to do? "Gosh, that sucks babe good luck with that but I have to learn how to interact with APIs"? No chance, I have to help her work through whatever issue she's dealing with. She's working on getting her driver's license (she's 25, but again mental health issues have been an obstacle here), so when she's in a good mood I have to take her driving, and at some point every night we exercise or go for a walk because she can't motivate herself enough to do it by herself.

So, 4 months into this job and I've spent maybe 4 hours on my project when really I want to spend 5-10 hours a week on growing and showing my skills so I can get into the field I want, which would also come with a significant pay increase. On one hand, I've come a long way towards my goals and that's great, but on the other hand I am at a standstill trying to take this last step. My gf is a wonderful person and I love her dearly, and like I said she is honestly trying very hard, so I really want to help her continue progressing. It just sucks that her progress comes at the cost of my own progress.

/r/AskMen Thread