There is a wide gulf between having no control and having complete control, you should realize that what is upsetting you is that you don’t have absolute control of everything that happens to you.

But like other people said... if you don’t want to go outside and think suicide would be a better alternative... perhaps a philosophy isn’t your first target to help yourself, maybe a professional to talk to about your issues with control would be a better idea.

Maybe stay away from the gore subreddits and other things that drive these thoughts and seek out assistance. Isn’t that the advice you would give somebody else in your situation?

You don’t control what happens to you, you control how you respond. You need to develop a healthier attitude towards risk and autonomy.