It's definitely a struggle. I'm sure you've heard the saying, I can do bad all by myself. Being with or around the people that hurt you isn't healthy. The reason it has taken a toll on your mental health is because you're so used to being treated badly. It takes time to build yourself back up. You have to make the time.

Whatever you do, don't start randomly hooking up with guys. I was you a few years back. Had a good ass job, was living in a different country, had good friends, etc. I met this guy and we hooked up. I didn't realize until afterwards that he had taken the condom off. At the time I had never heard of plan b or any type of morning after pills. Naturally, I got pregnant. I couldn't leave the country I was in and I couldn't even fathom how I could go about getting an abortion. I accepted my fate and I also allowed my narc mother to convince me to reach back out to the guy. So I did and we met up. When I confronted him, he denied everything and tried to have sex with me again. I left his place and never contacted him again. I had my son, alone in a foreign hospital. When my contract was up, I left the country with my son. His father tracked me down on Facebook and blamed me for not allowing him to meet his son yada yada yada. So, it's been several years and he has met his son once. He has not provided any type of support. I have my own home, still have a good job and I've been doing it all by myself. When he finally visited, he thought that he was going to move to my country and into my house. When I told him no, he insisted that we have another child so that I could fall in love with him the "right" way. I told him that he was fortunate to even be sitting in front of me considering how disgusted I am with him. I assured him that he could maintain a relationship with his son if he wanted to. Few more years have passed, still no support, barely calls unless he wants to ask our son who I've been with. Last year my son forgot his name. That was my cue to cut all contact. It wasn't until last year when I was able to put a name to what he had did to me (stealthing). So now I have been getting the help that I need. While I still have a high sex drive, it's important that I work through my issues so that I don't continue making the same mistakes. I've dated off and on and I've been able to weed out lvms and nvms. A lot of guys expect me to settle because I am a single mother. I tell them that if they aren't going to add value to my life, then I don't have time for them. I really just enjoy my own company and I love my son.

So, I say all that to say this. You cant truly level up if you are dragging around dead weight. Why waste time and energy on those that hurt you. They aren't going to change and you cant change them. So move on before you get stuck and spend your days filled with regret. You don't have to be with or around anyone. Start with therapy if you can.