How can I stop this internal battle

Hello :)

& nbsp;

Getting from where you are to where you think you want to get, I suppose you realize it's going to be something that will take a lot o time and effort - so brace yourself. It's brave of you to come here, stick your neck out, tell us this story and expect that someone might have a helpful answer.

I will probably write a lot now - but consider that I also am still looking for answers and understanding, so if you are going to read this, perhaps take it with a grain of salt. I'm not claiming that this is how things are - but it is how I have come to see things, for now. Always happy when someone can point me out where and why is something off. Anyway!

& nbsp;

I have experienced that there are people everywhere who take a look, shrug and say, "stop struggling" - I know how infuriating it can be!

& nbsp;

If the therapists were to do this too, it wouldn't ever work. You know? For the time being you needed someone to listen, understand and not judge.

& nbsp;

You know what? It's not your fault, it never was your choice that you ended up becoming the way you have become! But now that you realize that some people around you somehow are different, you just might get the motivation and power to change from there.

& nbsp;

People become these piles of messes as they grow up, keep getting themselves exposed to sorts of environments, beliefs, ideas, teachings - even though it is cruel and unfair, in a way, what you feel right now is natural and logical - there is no way of you having ended up in a different sort of life, with different sort of feelings (for now) than you are at.

& nbsp;

Accept that, and know that it's fine. Do not ever beat yourself (or anyone who was involved with your life and progressing) up over it again. This "just happens". If you think you need to look further into this, look up self-compassion.

& nbsp;

I think that is the first step to ever getting out from this mental mess. Accept that a messy life was lived, poor "choices" happened - there is NO point on looking back, after having faced the consequences and realized that oh, but if I had chosen to do this or that instead, the results might have been better.

& nbsp;

The realization itself is good, though - but keep it for the present, keep it for the future - you are now wiser. If life gives you this kind of a sitation again where you have to make a choice - you actually will know better and make the best choice you can come up with!

& nbsp;

Since, where I came from, I also felt that other people were cruel and unfair, evil and mean a lot - I felt I never got the appreciation, support and guidance I deserved from them - all this made me very bitter and angry - I was, at the same time - hating so much, yet sucking up to them all I could - just in hopes that MAYBE if I am more like this or that, I will be accepted.

Continuing...

/r/Buddhism Thread