How Comfortable Do You Feel Speaking About Your Autism?

As of right now, no.

Recently I have been professionally diagnosed by an expert in the field through a process exceeding more than eight months. I pursued it solely for accommodations where I was working, and let's just say primarily because my boss thought me as an incompetent fool. He hadn't been treating me this negatively in prior years, although he was well-known for his vehement temperament. Initially, I thought he was just trying to push me harder to exceed my potential, but after a few more weeks, I realized everything he was doing for me was to set me up for failure. For some unprecedented reason he decided to focus all his malicious intent towards me.

This newfound discrepancy bothered me to obsession because I couldn't tell why it was happening. So everyday when he said something or did something I thought was out-of-character, I would privately ask my peers their interpretation so I could understand better his intentions. At first their responses where mostly denial, probably out of their respect not to hurt my feelings, but as the days passed, they too noticed the how negatively he was treating me.

It wouldn't of been such a big deal if it hadn't been affecting my performance. Everything I did wasn't good enough, even if I put in equal effort as one of my co-workers. Once I went way beyond expectations, printing outlines and putting extra professionalism into my presentation during a meeting. I kid you not he proceeded to tell everyone to never do what I just did, that I didn't follow the directions which was completely untrue and everyone else knew it. Some came to me later in the day and told me they felt sorry for me. No matter what I did, it didn't matter. I was bounded to failure.

After this incident he'd often target my character in his non-work related monologues, which I personally avoided, until one day he went on a spiel about how someone couldn't make eye contact and was thus a disrespectful person. This person was obviously me.

That day, I went straight to a counselor and she recommended I go to HR. I go to HR, the lady doesn't know a thing about psychology, but she tells me my behavior reminds me of her brother who has Asperger's and she says if I get a diagnosis, his behavior towards me would essentially be illegal. So she sets a meeting with him to plan to tell him I'm going through testing. A few weeks go by, and I have already begun the process. I'm extremely uncomfortable because he continues harassing me at work. Then finally we have the meeting. For an hour he goes on listing out reasons why I'm a terrible person. Not because of my physical work, but because of me as a person. To put it bluntly, it solidified my worst fears. He not only hates me, he finds my presence a disappointment. That somehow I exploit his non-existent fame for my own gain, that I'm not like the person, who at the time, was probably in a romantic-adulterate relationship with him. Not because I assume she was, no, she told me insistently how she was in love with him. Actually I lost my friendship with her maybe half a year prior because she was in love with him because I told her I didn't share her sentiment and pointed out how immoral it was to be pursuing that relationship. Yes I know it's messed up, but at the time I was in no position to do anything about it.

Then at the end of the meeting, the woman who was mediating the one-sided meeting, dumbfounded by his words, tells him that I'm most likely on the spectrum and have been seeking a diagnosis.

It was miserable. I then called my brother, because I felt like I needed someone to talk to. Instead, he screams at me, telling me I should suck it up. Then he calls my parents and they call me. Since I know for a fact that my dad believes autism is a scam and not real, I denied everything. I say he doesn't know what he's talking about.

During the next few months, his behavior towards me did not cease, even though the woman said he was "barely on the fence of legality". I ended up quitting and found something much better, but I loved the work and that's the only reason why I dragged on as long as I did.

However, my family barely acknowledges it and denies it. Every so often my brother will call me or message me making fun of it and not in a cheerful way. Usually it's how I've come to make this all up and somehow tricked three professionals into giving me a diagnosis. He sends pictures of Asperger's memes and that still hasn't stopped or he'll shake his hands around and make incoherent noises and mocks people lower on the spectrum. I've pretty much have kept it to myself at this point, except on occasions with strangers who know little about what it is and assume I'll fail in life.

Sorry about the long read. I guess I've had this on my mind for a while now.

TL;DR Life is hard

/r/aspergers Thread