I know how you feel. My girlfriend is very independent, and among other important reasons, she thinks that she can do this casually. And I'm hoping that when we talked about cutting off with a FWB if we start to get attached she does, but I can't honestly say I can do anything except trust her to take that as seriously as I do. I don't want to hold her back from having the kind of relationship she needs if I can adapt, but I'm more or less a slow learner, slow to change completely. It takes time. Might not be exactly the same, but I sense commonality.

I'm focusing on the positive feelings I have for our non-monogamy. I love seeing her free and in her element. She's expressed she's not comfortable indulging my hotwife kink, even up to telling me about her sexual encounters. And I'm focusing on the important needs, and borrowing from another response I made, I just need to know often enough that she's committed, connected and in love, engaged, and living the life she wants. She doesn't express often and intensely, so she always comes off so cool, casual, and detached. But I need a little more possessiveness or affection, and communication, and it can make it a little more difficult to transition. But I am getting better at it. I don't even know if she could ever go back to a closed, monogamous relationship now that she has the kind of freedom she likes. And I am so in love still, I just want to try to change my pre-programmed inclination toward 1:1 monogamy if it means we can stay committed and build something healthy and fun.

If it hasn't already been mentioned, "More than Two" and "Opening Up" are good books I still need to finish.