How do you cope with stereotypes and guilt?

I kind of feel like if it's a true friendship they will stick around for the ups and downs and be compassionate about your illnesses. I have damaged friendships and lost friends. And I regret things I did but I'm also like if they think I'm toxic and don't want to be my friend, that's on them and maybe I don't need their friendship. I bawled for months after I blew up on a friend and damaged the relationship due to bad paranoia. Felt like the scum of the earth. They wouldn't talk to me for like a year. Even my husband said I was kind of toxic for a while. I'm still alive without their friendship. It hurts but I feel like if some one can't handle me that's fine. I want to be around people who can. I also got more balanced on my meds and therapy since then. But yah it hurts. Cuz u can't help it at the time. I mean I was kind of toxic.. I had been through a lot the past few years and was pretty negative and depressed most the time. And found out I had bpd on top of bipolar. Anyway, I hope it gets better and u find friends that will support u no matter what. I even feel like some friends got mad at me when I got suicidal and like felt sorry for my husband and not me. But that's ok. I kind of realized who my friends are through this. And I even tried to make a video on YouTube to spread awareness. I will continue trying to spread awareness to fight the stigma. Hope this helps and is encouraging and not discouraging in any way. This is kind of the first time I've responded to a post because I feel ur pain. Again hope it helps

/r/BipolarReddit Thread