I’d like to clarify some things here: 1. It’s not about having the same expectations and mindset as me. The expectations and mindset required to carry out a job are set according the job and role assigned to her. It’s not subjective and definitely not based on personal beliefs. 2. You are stretching the meaning of discriminatory too far. I did not assign any of her deficits as observed to her age or gender. I am not sure what made you suggest this idea. 3. With the boundaries, I agree. I could be more assertive and communicate my boundaries. None of my other reports have ever behaved this way with me and I’m just caught off guard most of the times. 4. I’m managing a design team. In my 8 year long career, no one has ever been exempt from reviewing work with peers and stakeholders in a common meeting. Learning how to face criticism is table stakes for this role. Not just from me. It could be anyone on the team and she can’t be writing to team to give 1:1 feedback we every time someone has something critical to say. There is simply no way to deliver high quality designs without critique.

I understand that you are trying to play the devils advocate and appreciate it. On my side, I’ve been impatient with her poor abilities at times and definitely struggle to establish boundaries. I’m willing to admit this. But, this certainly doesn’t legitimatise her behaviour towards me.